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For “Allah Dey” Odunewu: Ikhide, Meet Chekhov

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

Beautifully done, and with the right level of irreverence. An important commentary on and contribution to african aesthetics!

Ikhide R. Ikheloa's avatarPa Ikhide

I once wrote some nonsense on Facebook right after my second glass of cognac, the sort that comes easily to me after ogogoro has started making me see tomorrow. It went something like this: “America. Night. The trees lean on the road, limbs gnarled with need, pawing weary cars, leaves whispering, ‘Oga sah! Anything for the boys?’” An impressed white writer who happened to be at home drinking also, asked me: “There is something Chekhovian in your use of language. Do you write short stories and, if so, was Chekhov an influence?”

I had heard of Chekhov, a great white writer who wrote many great things. All African writers are on first name basis with him including those who have never read Chinua Achebe. Over the years I have acquired Chekhov’s books hoping to bone up on them in case I get that all important call from The New…

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A Must-Read: My 100 Days Covenant With Nigerians: Fish Starts To Rot From The Head – Buhari

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

Hope these pre-election promises are still valid and indeed that they were authored by Buhari!

News Bytes's avatarNews Bytes

Buhari

Corruption and Governance

I pledge to:

  • Publicly declaration of my assets and liabilities
  • Encourage all my appointees to publicly declare their assets and liabilities as a pre-condition for appointment. All political appointees will only earn the salaries and allowances determined by the Revenue Mobilization and Fiscal Allocation Commission (RMFAC).
  • Personal leadership in the war against corruption
  • Inaugurate the National Council on Procurement as stipulated in the Procurement Act. The Federal Executive Council, which has been turned to a weekly session of contract bazaar, will concentrate on its principal function of policy making.
  • Review and implement audit recommendations by Nigeria Extractive Industries Transparency Initiative including those on remittances and remediation.
  • Work with the National Assembly towards the immediate enactment of a Whistle Blower Act
  • Work with the National Assembly to strengthen ICPC and EFCC by guaranteeing institutional autonomy including financial and prosecutorial independence and security of tenure of officials. Make…

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Flights of fancy and flights from reality – A million other things that damaged President Jonathan

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

By

Noel Ihebuzor

GEJ, a great president. a humble man, a silent achiever

This link line takes you to an article in TheCable that claims to examine “a million other things that damaged President Jonathan” in his re-election bid. It is wriiten by one Chidi Chima and was uploaded on Twitter via @thecableng #2015Elections .  Chidi invites his readers to also come up with and contribute their views on what they think “damaged President Jonathan”.

Chidi Chima skipped Region & Religion! The reader is invited to visit INEC’s results compilation for the 2015 presidential elections and to look closely at the votings in NE, NW & SS zones. Skewed Demography, Religion & Region were at play and were the real “damagers”. This is the harsh truth and we need to tell ourselves some of these hard truths, but Chima prefers to flee from them. If, for example, the SE zone had come out and voted and given Jonathan 750,000 votes each and kept Buhari below 10% of votes cast, as was the case in most of the NE/NW zones, the results would have been otherwise. So, the game changer and decider in these elections were once again Ethnicity and Religion, not any of these fancy reasons that Chidi Chima throws up! Finally, Chidi Chima will do well to study the results for the presidential elections for the FCT and Lagos where populations and religions are more heterogeneous – the results here could be taken to reflect a more balanced representation as to how a cross section of Nigerians inhabiting a common geographical space evaluated the Jonathan presidency.
Posted in Uncategorized

Buhari: a 20th century dictator cannot lead a 21st century economy

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

…And that’s why we have views by him such as these samplers:

1) ‘if elected president, I will make the (exchange rate of the) Naira equal to the Dollar’. How unrealistic, to put it mildly. You see, O ‘level economics, including the venerable OA Lawal’s would have sufficed. But you can’t give what you don’t have.(All pun intended). Even the 2nd (China) & 3rd (Japan) largest economies can’t pursue such voodoo wishes. And for a country striving to diversify its economy away from oil, the Buharinomics’ (encapsulated in the above pledge) can only send the economy back to the 20th century.

2) ‘I will stabilise the price of oil if elected president’. Hmm! Nigeria (nay OPEC) stabilise the price of oil? You see, even a cursory (o’level) understanding of oil market and politics would have saved this embarrassing pledge. Saudi Arabia (largest exporter & 3rd largest producer can’t even make such claims – in the light of obvious market & political forces). But this is Nigeria – where those who don’t understand were undemocratically foisted on the nation as minister of petroleum resources and subsequently, Head of State in the 20th century. But this the 2nd decade of the 21st century and Nigerians should know better.

3.’I will fight corruption by drawing a line, such that cases in court would continue, and from then on, no more corruption or you are dealt with’. So what happens to cases not yet found, not yet in the court before the line is drawn? No, according to this ‘magic-wand-line’ strategy, such perpetrators would go scotch free with their loot. Does this strategy tell us something. Yes. In the last several weeks, we have been assaulted by the alleged corruption in Lagos State. And according to the ‘drawing a line’ thesis these would not be investigated, not to talk of recovery and sanction.

There are legion of such statements in the APC campaign, and one wonders: can Nigeria survive with such 20th century solutions for 21st century challenges? No. It would be amount to prescribing death for survival.

Cheers as you read,
Reg Ihebuzor
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless device from MTN

Posted in Politics, Prose

Jonathan, the real change!

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

My cousin and friend, Reg Ihebuzor,  with whom I regularly engage in discussions on development and politics, pointed out to me today that President Jonathan by his utterances and actions represents real change and that indeed the mantra of real change fits him like a glove. He reminded me of the following products of President Jonathan as proof of this real change mantra.

  1. Almajari Schools – never been done before
    2. Stopping corruption in fertiliser – never been done before
    3. Starting 2nd Niger Bridge – never been done before
    4. Revamping railways – never been done for 20 years
    5. Revamping 14 airport terminals – not been done
    6. Appointing more women in responsible positions – never been done
    7. National conference for effective federalism – never been done before
    8. You-win for youths – never been done before
    9. Reform of power sector – never been done
    10.Reform payment system in public sector to stop corruption – never been done.

He contrasts these evidences of real change with startling evidence of the rigidity of Buhari, of Buhari’s incapacity for change and his inflexibility, all the more startling given Buhari’s change campaign slogan. He cited the following as evidence of inability to understand change and to change :

  1. Arrogant Dictator – unchanged. “If you do not like Me, go and vote for the other party”
  2. Unchanging attitude towards his role in the PTF heist and the gross management ineptitude he displayed
  3. Unrepentant and unchanging attitude towards the post election violence by his supporters in 2011
  4. Unrepentant and unchanging attitude towards his current association with politicians with shady and corrupt pasts.
  5. Unchanging attitude towards retroactive laws that resulted in deaths. So, no apologies for retroactive laws
  6. Unchanging arrogance –  “I can’t change the past” and unwillingness to retract utterances he made in the past which are indicative of outright religious bigotry
  7. Unchanging attitude towards decrees 2 and 4
  8. No change in attitude towards his overthrow of a democratically elected government.
  9. No apologies for jailing democratically elected political leaders.
  10. No change in his attitude towards the unresolved certificate issue.

Whatever Buhari is, he certainly is not change. Buyer, beware! Choose wisely.

Posted in Prose

Change and credible criticism

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

by

Noel Ihebuzor

  1. The possibility of alternation is one of the biggest benefits of democracy, but meaningful alternation is reason and cost benefit analysis driven.
  2. Change is often mistaken for a “replace with anything” sell & mindset. That is not change. Change is value adding & positive.
  3. If it is not value adding, then it is not and cannot be change.
  4. Some folks believe that the surest way to market themselves as change agents is to engage in endless criticisms of those in power.
  5. They criticize, trivialize and oppose whatever it is that the person in power does.
  6. Such an attitude and mindset soon give rise to a malignancy which I call serial opposition disorder, SOD.
  7. SOD as a malignancy leads to the spawning of mindless and non-credible criticisms.
  8. To be credible criticisms must be context sensitive and more importantly provide valid and feasible alternative lines of action.
  9. Non-credible and invalid criticisms are usually driven by spite, ignorance, ambition, bias, arrogance and selfishness.
Posted in Politics, Prose

If good news gives you a bad headache, then you need APC

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

By

Noel Ihebuzor

Rejoice with the good, celebrate the positive and come away from criticism for criticism’s sake. It is sterile and cheap – a plea for sense and moderation.

  1. The attitude of the APC leadership to the military campaigns in the North East is baffling and appears unpatriotic.
  2. APC leadership appears to rejoice at news of any reversals or loss of men/territory/weaponry by our military.
  3. Elements of this party leadership mocked and teased the military and the presidency over the debacle that was the failed cease fire.
  4. Recall that the ceasefire was conceived primarily to ease suffering and to explore solutions to the insurgency, not to score political points.
  5. The same party leadership guffawed when the attempt to purchase arms through SA failed. The weapons were to improve the operational efficiency of the military.
  6. Improving the operational efficiency of the military was meant to help the military quickly degrade the BH, not about elections.
  7. The military has now acquired new weaponry, morale is on the rise and battle tide has turned and the APC leadership is unhappy.
  8. The APC leadership now accuses the military and the presidency of politics. They claim the timing of these military gains is political.
  9. What is the APC leadership telling Nigerians? That they prefer Nigerian territory to remain under insurgent control till after the elections?
  10. That they prefer Nigerian men and women who have suffered to continue to suffer till after the elections? That they put electoral ambitions ahead of consideration of the emotional health, safety and security of Nigerians?
  11. These are the messages that the APC leadership is sending out to Nigerians, wittingly or unwittingly.
  12. Such messages are clearly unpatriotic. Please let us all rejoice with our troops who are liberating territories.
  13. Let us salute the gallantry of the military. The sacrifices they make go beyond petty politics.
  14. Certain things go beyond politics and it requires a large heart, decency, dignity and patriotism to see and appreciate such.
  15. Where good news about your country consistenlty gives you a bad headache, then something is definitely wrong – some debilitating conditions present in this way! Time to seek help as neither APC nor Codeine nor Paracetamol can provide any lasting cure.
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Essays from exile: The oporoko chronicles

Posted on by Noel Ihebuzor

Ikhide writes again! A good read!

Ikhide R. Ikheloa's avatarPa Ikhide

for you Mrs. C!
Princess of  the Earl of Sandwich!
Your eyes are teasing me again…

I am hungry. Very hungry. And hunger drives my brain cells to a certain point of brilliance, that hell-nirvana that my adversaries, and quite a few friends, call stark raving, certified lunacy. And as always happens when hunger places my growling stomach under house arrest, I commence esoteric ruminations, thinking deeply profound thoughts, or as my detractors would say, hallucinating. I am wondering for instance, when will Chinua Achebe, the world’s greatest writer of all times, get the Nobel Prize for discovering the Internet? Achebe lives! Yes, when will that brooding god of the white man’s letters sue the United States Government for stealing his ideas about a world without boundaries? Achebe lives! It is a poorly kept secret that Chinua Achebe discovered the Internet but the white man took credit for it. Achebe…

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