Welcome to part two of my guide to writing. Simply follow these rules for writing the perfect blog and soon you will have more followers than Christ.

Tip 4. Write with sensitivity.

For example, never make gratuitous and potentially offensive references to other people’s deities.

Tip 5. Write what you want

You can write your blog for other people, and try and write what you think they want to read. This is a good method if you are psychic, which you are not (see point 3). It also makes you a bit of a whore, in the way Dan Brown is a whore because he writes what he knows will sell instead of writing good things. Dan Brown is not psychic, he is a cod-plagiarist (see point 3 previous post – and yes, it does mean he literally plagiarises from a fish! Have you read his stuff!?)

This is the…