A song for Ndawi – Judge me well

A song for Ndawi – 1 – Judge me well

by Noel Ihebuzor  

for Ndawi, who sleeps silently and softly in the shadows of His Love. so many years have flown since I wrote this song….

Judge me well

As you see me through this great glass divide
frosted by tears, through this dim glass of infinity
that now divides us

As you now survey me from up above
Be not too hard, nor too harsh
judge me well

Remember me on the day of your resurrection
On the day when all still bodies shall rise,
their soft sleep ruptured by the genteel warmth
of rapture, the glass dissolves to reveal and reunite and
You and I meet
You in your beauty and me different, frayed, strained

For I strain under the weight of a cross
the cross of your flight
your flight from family to infinity
I stagger, I struggle
I sway and retreat
to the limits that you have crossed
like an orphan out of time and place
waiting for the boatman
but with no coins in my pocket,
and even unwilling to board the boat
because of the obligations to your fruits and love

Remember me well
on the day the curtain shall split
and the separation line broken
and the still quicken,
on the day that the veil of separation
shall split and be flung aside
to reveal all in light so bright

Remember then that I never sold our dreams
not even for seventy in seventy tons of gold

Remember me on this moment
of your liberation and our reunion and nod….
I shall delight at that instance
in the light of your approving gaze that would
reveal your soul’s joy and delight
in the care I have shown to the four
fruits of our caring and sharing
Four full seasons and and a month
have filtered by, whittling and
frittering away at the edges of my soul
but your fruits are fresh, full, firm and free
tendered by the same love and care
as always

Remember me well
for it is only in this garden of your labors
and the Eden of reminiscences
that I now cherish you

Remember me well
I grope around in unfamiliar groves, hills and valleys
But not in betrayal
I venture out not to forget
but to remember
I am in search of balance and equilibrium,
I am in flight from an anguish I feel since
your unscheduled flight on a one way ticket…..

Remember me well on your day
I have clutched to memories to support me,
I struggle to keep my memories fresh and free
for the moment of my own flight
All I now do is to be able to travel fully, healed
so that on the day of reunion
you may recognise me

Then as we rush in embrace,
at the blast of the last trumpet,
clothed in linen bright
remember not to judge me
rather remember to look over
and beyond and thank
and not judge all those who may have hurt me
and shower thanks and smiles
especially on those who have
helped me, helped heal me, helped me carry on
since you left.